A couple of Saturdays ago I turned 32. I kept my birthday on the low, didn't really plan anything as big as I usually do. Mainly because there was a dark cloud hovering over me. In addition to being stressed because life be lifin', my anxiety attempted to cripple me as the day approached. The prior two years someone I knew passed away within days of my birthday.
I thought I was in the clear, but then I got a text. It was the same week as Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain as well as the same cause. It was difficult to celebrate this year, as I was again grappling with grief. But as much as I could I pushed through my pain and reminded myself that life is meant to be lived while we're here. I'm grateful for the friends who reached out and surrounded my with great energy and love. It was one of those things I knew I needed and knew would help me find some joy despite my initial resistance.
I reflected back to when days were always dark for me and times were always hard, it was when I felt like I didn't matter to anyone and that somehow the lives of everyone around me would be better without me. I'm grateful to have been emancipated from my own destructive thoughts. I've been extra conscious of expressing to those around me that they matter and doing my best to be as kind as possible to all who cross my path. We may not always know what others are struggling with, but we know how to treat people with care.
Life gon life regardless, so focus on what matters. You being here is enough evidence that you matter. Mental health and wellness matters. Finding joy in everyday matters. And for me, sharing my experiences and reflections matters. I'm seeking my writing rhythm again, because being all that I was created to be matters.