Be Mindful of Your Triggers
The day I received the proofs of these photos from my photographer, I sent them to a few friends. I prefaced them with, “Here’s a sneak peek at some of the pics I took the other day.” Of course a few ppl gassed me (as they should cuz this is a SLAY), but there’s always that one person that has to find something to dislike.
“Can I be honest, they make you look bigger than you are…”
My first instinct was to spazz angrily via text but I didn’t, I sat with my discomfort for a minute to decipher the root and analyze. I wasn’t at all upset with him sharing his opinion, but I couldn’t figure out the intention behind it. Before I give any unsolicited opinions or advice, I ask myself if I’m helping or hurting by expressing myself. I didn’t like that it was implied that looking bigger is such a negative thing that I should be bothered by it.
“Thank you for your honesty. Should I photoshop myself to lookin thinner or should I diet?”
I sarcastically and passive aggressively asked. I grew even more livid when I received a response to this. Clearly those weren’t real questions. I regained my wits and expressed my reasoning for preferring he shove his opinion where the sun doesn’t shine and find someone else to criticize. I tried and tried to understand how a comment such as that couldn’t be ill intentioned, but it just didn’t sit right with me. I was triggered AF because I spent my entire adolescence not being allowed to be comfortable with the skin I’m in. I wasn’t allowed to feel or be beautiful for a long time, and his comment took me back to teenage me who never knew the power in feeling and owning her beauty. Now that I’m grown, I refuse to allow someone else’s opinion to shake the love I’ve cultivated for myself.
BRUH, CAN’T YOU SEE I’M CHANNELING BEYONCE AND A BEAUTIFUL ASS PHOENIX BIRD?! IDGAF about looking bigger than I am, I’m not a flat tummy tea pushing IG model, so a roll, looking bloated, or any other society deemed imperfection being brought to light isn’t really a concern of mine. Beyonce brought FUPAs back this year anyway.
I had a whole “Hey Mirror Bitch,” moment with myself and concluded his delivery was trash. However, I was proud of me for expressing myself and making the effort to turn this trigger into a teachable moment. I went to an open discussion about self love a few days after this transpired and through so many people sharing thoughts and opinions on self love, I discovered several common themes. The most impactful one is that self love is the greatest safety against your triggers. Had I not taken the time to strengthen the love I have for myself, I would’ve crumbled in that moment. So while this opinion was trash, I’m grateful this happened because it’s showed me how much I’ve grown and allowed me to do the work by expressing myself.
Happy Monday and Don’t Ever Say Impossible!
*photos via EricaWestley.com